complicated relationships

Just not me

He was just here, wasn’t he? How can he not be? I imagined him touching my face and my neckline just now. Slowly moving his hands all over my body and feeling it all in. I just closed my eyes and whispered his name. I opened my lips to see if he wants to kiss me. And he did.
In my dreams. In my imagination. In my previous life. When I was me, his lover.
How can he not be here when he was so here? Like a soul touching my heart and never leaving my side. One that’s always there when I needed it, quietly, patiently, with only unconditional love and nothing else.
Not sure if it was the rains or the beer, I couldn’t help but feel his love through my veins today. He needs to start loving me a little less. And love someone else or something else. Just not me. Either of us cant endure more pain than this. This much is enough.
No, I absolutely can’t start feeling his presence in every moment in my life. No, not again. There’s nothing more heart wrenching than that.

Is he still here?