Observations

Disturbing thought provoking news..of a girl I hardly knew!

A girl in my office committed a suicide this Friday.

We received a condolence message on Saturday morning, my heart sank a bit but I came out of it in a few moments. I thought I will not remember it again. But it came back, again and again. I hardly knew her, just saw her doing make-up in the powder room few times. I was wondering what may have caused her death, and heard one of her friend talking it out loud that she committed suicide over a, break-up.

Suicide over a break-up with a guy, is it that simple to die?

I’m having a hard time getting it out of my head. It is difficult to realise that you never know who will be alive tomorrow and who won’t. It is scary to know that there exists a power beyond your brain which controls you. I am scared, I truly am. And extremely sad that people don’t have love around them to hold them back from doing something like this.

I know how a break-up makes you feel, its a phase which only some can survive from.

One guy who is the center of your universe till one moment, is just not there anymore. Your morning, afternoon, evening and night revolves around him. Your likes, dislikes, dreams, wishes, achievements, failures and practically everything is shaped up around him. He is your lover, elder brother, best friend, companion, saviour and partner in crime. He is one person who makes you who are. You just fucking don’t remember yourself without him, you just cant imagine yourself without him. And he is just not there anymore. He is just a shadow, a dream, an imaginary figure which doesn’t fit in your fingers, who is just an illusion when you try to take him close.

A part of you dies the day someone you love so much goes away for ever. You can never be that person again. You can never love the way you loved again. You can feel the hole in your heart, it will stay empty forever. It’s crazy, its horrible to be in such situation. But, what I also know is that you move on. You survive, you sail through, you live again. The emptiness remains but colours do get back in life.

Don’t know what she went through, don’t know why she did what she did. It is just so sad for the family and the lover who’s left behind. People left behind face the horrible destiny more than the one who dies. Irony of life and break-ups.

I always think that, one should be with a guy who grows to become your strength not your weakness. And yet, no matter how much you love someone – no guy is worth dieing for!

What can I say more, May her soul rest in peace!

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Life is cruel to some..

It was 10PM yesterday night.

I was returning from dinner which served my favorite cuisine.

Contended, Satisfied and Shivering with cold I waited on the Traffic signal few kilometers away from home.

Beside me waited a 65-70 year old man on a bicycle.

Just generally my attention diverted towards him to look at how he is.

65-70 year old man, on an extremely old lady bicycle, with no warmers, wrinkles all over the face, hair and mustache all whites, yawning and looking at the road – as if he can visualize the gate of his house which is still many bicycle minutes away.

While I was looking at him, he looked at me. A gaze transferred.

Don’t know what he must have thought about me staring at him.

But all I thought was ‘Life is cruel to some’ and we crib about someone not giving us enough attention. What the hell?

Shivering cold, no warmers, riding a bicycle in this evil traffic city and being so bloody old.

I cant digest it. I couldn’t see it. I thought, I should do something for people ya, it’s high time. Already in this world, people who get disturbed by these things have become extinct. The one’s who do get disturbed must do something.

Few tears rolled down the cheek, as always was disturbed for a lot of time after that, it went on and on at the back of mind.

I don’t know what to do. I still haven’t figured that one out yet.

But I wouldn’t want my grandfather to face that in his life. And all I know is, that man I saw was also someone’s grandfather.

I have to do something. I gotta do something.

It’s been few weeks, I am facing a problem.

From the people who break traffic rules to people who loiter in public places, From the elderly women who cant cross a traffic lorn road to people who travel on bicycles, From people who do 11-12hours hard jobs to women helps who work day-in day-night in corporate offices, From people who cant have proper food to people who work till they are 70-80 years old many things, almost anything is disturbing.

It just cuts through, asking me to take some efforts to release that pain on the faces.

I find a way to forget it, to move on, to divert my attention but the more I do that, the more it gets stronger.

This may have happened after my grandfather expired. God knows what changed, but the social sensations have become more stronger than ever before.

My respect for people, of how much they may be managing to do what they do has incredibly increased.

But hell yeah, its very unsettling.

Here I crib about my unsettling emotions, and there the man I saw yesterday must be trying to make the most out of what he has.

And nothing changes. 

Acclimatization

Acclimatization

Source – Wikipedia, Google

Read this word on a travel website! We leave you to acclimatize with the climate for the rest of the day.. I felt as if there is a ring to this word. Acclimatize..Acclimatize..Acclimatize 😉

Really, don’t we all do this all the time? Try to acclimatize, from the constant changes in life to the changes inside you. Life as we know it, gives us away at many circumstances and how we deal with them is our process of acclimatization.

I remember going to the college away from my parents for the first time. Leaving the hostel every morning, walking down the small alley to the college building. All alien faces around, everyone with million colored clothes with another billion expressions on their faces. Walking down the campus roads all alone with a backpack and series of questions with blood rushing fast through the heart or brains (whatever it may be). I can still feel what I felt that time.

Being afraid, Being scared and Being excited are not so different things when you are standing at the beginning of the next chapter and at the end of being a child – safe, secure and cared for at home. Right from the climate to roads, from food to the taste, from hostel room to the rough bed, from strangers to people who stare, from a huge campus to the college kattas just everything was new and yet not so exciting or satisfying. I gotta admit, somehow I never liked any of that as much as I liked being with my parents and brother. So I guess I never quite got acclimatized to the whole staying away thing or the college thing.

Relevance of this word doesn’t end here. It reflects in everyday.

We play many roles in our life. People Change. You change. Situations change. Life changes every minute & all we try in our life is to Acclimatize. All the time. 

I told you there is a ring to this word, which just struck many chords.

World is full of Cowards…

World is full of Idiots.. Its time we replaced this line with “World is full of cowards”.. People who are running away from responsibilities, situations and just want Sympathy, Special treatment and extra advantage everywhere they go.

Recent decision of increasing the reservations in Jobs and Education is triggering this conversation. Yes and why shouldn’t it? I’m not that angry about falling in remaining 27% but I’m very angry about the culture we live in. I feel disgusted with the cowardice around.

Yes some people are facing hell, Yes some people really need help, They need support to stand up.. and We help them. We all usually do. My parents are associated with a trust since almost 25Years who works for underprivileged day-in day-out. A bit of that has sink in, I also want to do something valuable for the society. Right now I don’t do much, but I have plans I will get there. But the intention my parents or anyone doing some good work for underprivileged must not be to make them dependent and give them a special advantage. It surely is to help them learn new things to be able to stand on their own feet.

Similarly, Reservation is one ridiculous move plotted by politicians to solve their purpose. And our society has accepted it. I have accepted it too. People fought against it, people raised their voice against it but nothing happened. Just because people in reservation are happy sitting in that quota, are greedy about their chances in life, are proud of who they are and  are okay to present a caste certificate everywhere this will continue till infinity.

When was the last time somebody went to the houses of these Quota people and checked how is the condition at their place? There is a difference between underprivileged and people who need reservation ? Why is it a blanket rule of reserving anybody and everybody who is from those castes? So you mean to say that rest 27% category is extremely rich with Money and resources ? Are you telling me that people who fall in this category don’t spend on Smartphones, TVs, Movies and Malls ? Yes they might not be as explored to the world as we are, but are you telling me that they don’t have the ability to know whats happening in the world? Obviously they can think, they know whats best for them, whats best for their children, understand difference between good and bad. Then either you are making them dependent and giving them a stick to walk or you are labeling them incapable?  But they are not incapable, they run families – they are as capable as we are.

reservedYes they might not be able to afford good education for their child or relocation for the job, yes support them in that case. But why blanketly cling this rule to the castes? Clearly we don’t have people in Education and Companies who can understand the situation of a family and then extend the desired support. We only have people who know their KRA’s and they will follow them till they die.

I may be wrong in my thinking somewhere about this, I agree I don’t understand the clear picture of this issue. But come on, Is there no single face from that entire 73% reservation quota at least from our State whose ego gets hurt or who feels the fire of called Backward? I’m surprised no one is ashamed of having the capability of living life decently and still carries on with the special advantages.

No matter how much noise the rest 27% make, the rules , the mentality, the culture is not going to change. Talking about politicians and their gimmicks , I think we saw recently in Loksabha elections that Mango people can make a difference. We just need to take responsibility!

 

Valentines Day..Uff not again!

Seriously, who created this day! The much I thank god for creating Birthdays , is the much I hate whoever created Valentines day!

Its been many years I have been In love, experienced many forms of love and shared lovely relationships..But boy this day is definitely over-hyped than any other celebrations..

I always face a profound battle between my girly expectations and practical thinking.

To clarify it more .. I badly expect my lover to plan for everything and making me feel like princess, getting roses and chocolate cake and a gift and telling me how much he loves me, how much he wants me in his life and trust me the list has few more pointers… 😉

CelebrateValentines_DayChocolate_freecomputerdesktopwallpaper_2560But at the same time I think, what bullshit is this? its a normal everyday sort of day. I already know he loves me, he says that everyday, I already know how much he wants me in his life, he doesn’t need to get roses, gifts and plan a lavish evening to tell me that, he already takes care of me so well; I don’t need to be felt like princess just for one day.. and it goes on..

But I know myself very well.. No matter how practically I think, I would still expect him to meet me, make plans with me and make the evening special..

After experiencing the same dilemma every year, facing good & bad valentines day, overwhelming happiness & utter disappointments and realization, I believe its time to really dig into this.

Expectations and disappointments are not new to anyone. But why expect so much on this bloody valentine’s day! I did some so called thinking.. I think there is something beyond feeling special that you expect that day. We live in a very volatile & unsteady world which is a huge hiccup in our romantic relationships. Catching-up, roaming around, sharing with each other, having someone around when you need, doing what you like together etc. all of this has become very rare. You really have to try and take efforts to be with each other to spend some quality time. And everything you do comes with a expiry duration tag.

I think on that ONE day, you want that piece of your quality time, feel of early days of relationship , freedom from worries of work & money and just some rosy time with your loved one. Its probably the Rightful day that has gotten created, for the two people to get along and speak about them , their future, their plans and their relationship. Its one day , when the two people hold hands and plan what happens next with them.

Its Sweet, Pure , Genuine and Romantic!

But one should never wait for other person to plan. Initiating to make the evening special is not over-hyped at all, its nice and might not lead to disappointments. Expectations are good but waiting for someone to take an action  and letting it lead to disappointment & fight is definitely not good for any relationship.

So this valentines day I have decided to Expect with my full heart and plan.. Whatever happens, I already know he loves me.. ;););)