I seem to be losing track of what that is!
There is so much going on in the mind all the time and most of it are the desires/things which are out of my reach or out of track. It looks like absolutely nothing satisfies me anymore.
Job, Money, Things, Travel, Writing, Reading, Music, Family Time, Spending time with my husband, Love, Sex, Romance, Catching up with Friends… Nothing is quite there! I don’t feel the way I used to about any of this earlier, as if I have become so out of place/cold that I cant match up to anything at all. Everything around me looks like the broken pieces of a cadbury which don’t really satisfy my urge of eating a chocolate.
It kills me to keep generating myself to be in the moment, take what surroundings give you, suck it in, let it sink… and enjoy. But apparently it still doesn’t quite complete the circle.
I have noticed my interest in everything around is decreasing day by day and suddenly comes a day when I am all out having fun. The swings are frustrating. Not sure if these are my hormones speaking or have i been always like this!
Its confusing, irritating and sinking feeling! I want to be satisfied in my job, in what I do, in my love life, in my family life.. I want to be able to stop n say that THIS IS IT and repeat that many times. But hell no, its not happening.
My eyes, ears, hands, mind, brain.. everything looks out of sync.. searching for something else all the time. Without an end to it!