What do i want? What is it that i really want?
Every time i ask this question to myself, i get a different answer. The voice inside my mind says…
I wanna be free, i wanna travel the world alone and live the way i want, i wanna be successful like others, i wanna take revenge on that one person, i wanna fulfill every dream of my father, i wanna help others, i wanna be selfless and just devote myself to some great work, i wanna turn back time and be in that moment again, i wanna break-free and re-do everything, i wanna earn loads of money, i wanna marry that one person, i wanna be reckless, i want a shoulder to cry on, i wanna be a writer, i wanna be something different than others, i wanna show the world how much i love him, i wanna cross all limits n show him how much i love him, i wanna break all rules n be on top of my world, i want family, i wanna have my everyday different, i wanna learn dancing, i wanna be beautiful, i wanna take decisions based on what i feel, i wanna be inspiration to others, i wanna set an example, i wanna be careless about future, i wanna do everything in the world to make him happy and i want my death-life decision in my hands….
Oh bugger, i bet the list can go on and on. there is no end to this. Its like I can feel there is one more person inside my head who speaks, thinks, argues, comments and complaints every bloody moment. I wish so many times; what if i wish i had not wanted anything, what if i had been a person with minimum expectations from life, others and myself. then probably this war happening inside would have rested for a moment.
But i guess that’s not gonna happen. I’m gonna keep wanting. I’m gonna keep trying for it. I’m gonna keep getting disappointed. I’m gonna keep failing and succeeding and then again some days down the line i will be sipping a cup of coffee, thinking about myself and feeling screwed up while trying to figure whats happening; i will take a pen and start writing about what i feel. and then it goes on..